I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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