I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
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