If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
