WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize