I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
