my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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