I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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