guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
