Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
