Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
