all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
