I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
