Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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