why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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