Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Damn victory sex feels great
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
