you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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