yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Drunk is not a location!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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