apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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