It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My liver just had a heart attack.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
