Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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