So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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