Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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