I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
