So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
