But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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