did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
