Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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