I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
