Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
