Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
