yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
