I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
