After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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