Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i love accidental penises.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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