I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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