i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
