i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
