We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
