I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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