his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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