listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
