oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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