did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
