when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
