I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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