Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
