you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
