come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
