And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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