turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
