I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
