Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
