Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize