He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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