I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
