I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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