He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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