I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I fill condoms, not promises.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
