im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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