I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
