We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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