I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
