Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She's the barista slut.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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