i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
time to smoke my breakfast
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
