my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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